The Leo Treatment

Since I was twelve people have told me I look like the greatest actor of our time, Leonardo DiCaprio. Each time I hear it I smile and thank them for the generous compliment, and I think to myself, "I wonder if people tell Leo he looks like Hunter McClure?" In 2016 alone I got told I look like him a record breaking 84 times (I kept count). But as much as I like to think I'm a celebrity, even though I do have a star named after me, I am not. However, Saturday night I did feel like a celebrity, and I have Shelby to thank.

Shelby's uber kind boss had six tickets to opening night of a play called Chimerica. That man just gave them to us for free! Obviously we weren't going to pass up the opportunity, so apartment 2103 got gussied up and went to the big show. Per usual though, our trip to the show was filled with craziness.

Fun fact for all you Conservative East Tennesseans out there: Mardi Gras in Sydney is actually a gay pride festival. Forget beads and boobs, their Mardi Gras was filled with bare butts, drag queens, and raging shirtless dancers (male and female). What a time to be alive! We treaded our way through the sea of glitter after we got lost getting off the bus, but eventually we got to where we were going.

Squad rolled into the Roslyn Packer theater in The Rocks with 30 minutes to spare. A sassy bartender had us sit at a table in the theater's restaurant where we fancifully had a glass of champagne before the show. We then proceeded to our seats, where Shelby and I pretended to be a high-class married couple for the remainder of the evening.

For the sake of my memory and your sanity, I will not describe the plot of Chimerica. It was three hours long after all! I will say that it was the best play I have ever seen. It had drama, comedy, romance, and music! By the intermission all of our mouths were agape at how phenomenal it was. At the end it got a standing ovation and the cast bowed seven times. I'm telling you, it was absolutely magnificent and everyone should see it.
Side note: It was performed by Australians playing Americans. For the most part they were spot on with their phrases and accents. But FYI to the cast, Americans don't say "AirCon" or "post it to me." I give them an A for effort.

After the SEVEN bows that the cast did, we departed...or so we thought. By the time we got down to the lobby, the building had transformed into a makeshift nightclub. Waiters were walking around with plates of food and drinks. People were mingling over finger foods and champagne. I didn't feel welcome at all, but nervously I grabbed a glass of wine off the waiter's plate to see what he would do. Expecting that he would slap me with a bill, I anxiously looked back to my group for guidance. They offered blank stares, so when I turned around to face my tuxedo-clad, tray-wielding executioner, he merely smiled and walked off. That changed everything. That meant that things were a certain magical word that every college kid wants to hear: "free." Quickly we all dispersed to find more of the kind luxury food and drink barers.

I had no intention of leaving there on an empty stomach. I was served decadent cheese balls, sliced meats, and caviar. Never in my life would I ever had expected that I would like fish eggs. But there I was, eating the little undeveloped Nemos of the South Pacific. Boy did I feel like a king. They had an open bar, but like any self-respecting gentleman I limited myself to a few glasses of wine and champagne.

We stayed at the after party until 12:30. While there we met Shelby's boss and several actors from Chimerica. They were all such givers. There was a rumor that Cate Blanchette was there, but we did not cross paths with that Oscar winning Aussie. Eventually a 1 star Uber driver showed up to take us back to our ramshackled apartment--the Uber made us walk two miles because he got lost and the fridge door fell off that night, so both complaints are warranted.

Really though, it was a night I will never forget. I got to feel like a bonafide celebrity. I got the Leo Treatment. Thanks again to Shelby and her benefactor of a boss! I will gladly be her husband and escort her to a few more opening night premieres if it means having as much fun as we had Saturday night. Who knows, I might even run into the real Leo. If my life is any indicator, stranger things have happened.